After watching one of Hans Wilhelm’s talks on Youtube (please see the below link) which I found fascinating and educational, it ignited me into action to write this small blog and to share with you the experience of what I had learned from it. Whenever I learn something about life, I love to share it with others so that they can too have the learning experience and move on to a better understanding of life.
NO MORE DISAPPOINTMENTS explained by Hans Wilhelm – YouTube
Like we all do, I have often set an expectation for myself or other people only to have my expectation of an event or idea thwarted, cancelled or changed. This can bring up feelings and emotions of anger, frustration, or even overwhelm. So in this blog, I am going to explain how we can embrace the change when our expectation is not met instead of going into disappointment or lack.
Hans explains it so eloquently that all of our sufferings come from our unfulfilled expectations. All of our expectations are future bound, for instance, you may expect someone tomorrow to lay the table for lunch, or tidy a room, but when that doesn’t happen, we can go spare at the person, leading into negative emotions and disappointment.
“Expectation is the root of all of our headaches” William Shakespeare
Hans explains that “Our ego with our intellect throws expectations into the future to grasp on to believing that we know what is best for us”
We cannot always be in control of our future and we never really understand why things happen the way that they do, but we do have free will and if we make the wrong decision, it will be for the right reason in the end. If we could all look at life as a learning curve, we can move on from whatever pain or suffering our life outcome causes us.
“Expecting reality to be different to what it actually is, is a lost battle” Byron Katie
So what can we do about our feelings surrounding disappointment of expectations that have not been met.
“Love is the absence of all expectations” Bryon Katie
Hans explains that you can “upgrade all of your expectations to preferences”.
When we set a preference on a future situation instead of an expectation, we become less likely to become attached to the outcome. If we instead say “I would prefer for this to happen” with a view of being willing to accept changes that might occur, our feelings of disappointment disappear. A preference isn’t written in stone like an expectation, with preference we are not going into a place of lack.
To put it simply, our expectation is born out of attachment and when we become attached to an outcome it can bring up negative emotions. But with preference, we become less attached and we move on from pain and suffering and we start living in the here and now instead of wishing our lives away in future of our expectations that may or may not occur.
In short, drop expectation and bring in the idea of preference and allow for love to come into your heart at every moment.